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Running with the Bulls: Flash Fiction

Bullheaded clients full of hot air and BS were her bread and butter. 

It was a typical day in the life of PR Queen, Lydia Spinney. She was the maestro of crisis communication, image enhancement and turning setbacks into comebacks. 

If you gave Lydia a lemon she wouldn’t turn it into lemonade, she would have you convinced it was a bottle of 1947 Louis Roederer Cristal Brut – “a remarkable cuvée with a silky texture and notes of citrus and honeysuckle”.

This was her gift but it didn’t mean she had to like some of the inflated egos she represented, including the embattled tech start up CEO who’d just stormed out of their meeting.

Accused of a toxic work environment, harassment and intellectual property theft, he hadn’t liked her frank and fearless advice that was absent of any flattery. Especially since she’d flagged that he would need to accept some responsibility for his actions. 

Lydia’s mouth twitched in amusement as she watched him barrel through the office like a bull in a china shop. He’d be back and she looked forward to bleeding every billable minute from him. 

She turned her attention to the next appointment in her diary. A Zoom call with an Angus and Daisy Bull. There were no other notes.

She started the call and two shadowy figures came into view. ‘Ah, hi. I’m Lydia Spinney and you’re—’

‘We’re Angus and Daisy Bull,’ one of the shadows replied in a baritone voice.

Lydia leaned closer toward the screen and squinted. She couldn’t make out their features. ‘Can you turn some lights on? I like to see who I’m potentially working with.’

‘I told you this was a bad idea,’ a female, presumably Daisy, said in a mournful tone. 

‘We need her help,’ Angus responded. There was some shuffling, a click and a flash of bright light.

Lydia blinked as their features came into focus. She blinked again. And again.

A horned bull and a cow stared back at her from large, pensive eyes. The bull wore an Armani suit and a Chanel scarf graced the cow’s neck. Their background was a sprawling stone wall structure that resembled a maze.

Lydia withheld a sigh. ‘Look, I don’t work with people who want to be anonymous. So either remove the avatar filter or we’re done here.’

Daisy rolled her eyes at Angus. ‘I told you so.’

Angus cleared his throat. ‘We’re not using any filters.’

Lydia burst out laughing. ‘Who put you up to this? Was it Rick? Is he still annoyed that he got stuck with the cauliflower steak at the Christmas party after I ordered the last plate of wagyu?’

Daisy visibly shuddered.

‘This isn’t a joke,’ Angus said gruffly. ‘Haven’t you ever met a minotaur before?’

Minotaur? Lydia had seen some things in her time but not any Greek mythological creatures. But now that she thought about it, it wasn’t the strangest thing she’d encountered in her line of work, not by far.

She pondered it for a moment. The pair on the screen clearly had money, so did it matter if they had a few cows loose in the top paddock? Real or not, she’d hear the Bulls out. ‘How can I assist you?’

Angus nodded slowly. ‘You see, Lydia. We’ve been plagued by misconceptions and grievances for far too long. Thanks to centuries of ridiculous and grossly offensive stories, people think we eat humans.’

Daisy sniffed. ‘Which we don’t. We’re herbivores.’  

‘And we’re struggling with trespassers who keep turning up at our labyrinth.’ Angus inclined his head toward the structure featured in the background. ‘They turn up with giant balls of twine so they can find their way through the maze.’

Daisy chimed in, ‘And don’t forget the job opportunities. All we get offered are mascot positions and there’s only so many bull-related sports teams to go around.’

Angus’s heavy brow furrowed. ‘I’m just lucky the Chicago Bulls paid as well as they did when I worked with them.’

Lydia furiously took notes on her digital pad. 

‘And that’s not the worst of it.’ Daisy flung a disturbingly human-like hand to her chest. ‘We’re getting the blame for climate change too.’

Lydia stopped writing. ‘Climate change?’

Daisy looked down at her lap, her cheeks impossibly appeared aflame.

Angus shifted in his chair. ‘The methane and the like.’ 

Lydia smothered a laugh and put down her stylus. ‘First things first, let’s work on your public perception. We’ll launch a campaign highlighting your vegan lifestyle, your love for nature, and your commitment to protecting it. We’ll even organise labyrinth tours to educate people about its historical importance.’

Angus and Daisy nodded in agreement. ‘But what about the trespassers?’ Angus asked.

Lydia flashed a sly smile. ‘We’ll deal with that too. We’ll turn your labyrinth into a protected heritage site, making it off-limits to anyone without proper permits. Trust me, no one wants to mess with environmental laws.’

‘But what about the…’ Daisy began in a quiet voice, ‘…you know, the climate stuff?’

Lydia leant back in her chair and smirked. ‘That’s simple. We’ll launch the Minotaur Carbon-Neutral Initiative.’ She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. ‘Carbon credits, a seaweed supplemented diet for you too and we milk it all with a TikTok dance. I’ll have you lauded as climate heroes in no time.’ 

‘Bullseye!’ Angus bellowed in delight.

A deep, rumbling sound came from Daisy followed by a guttural emission of air. 

Angus patted Daisy on the back. ‘She always belches when she’s excited.’

Lydia gave a sympathetic nod. This wasn’t her first rodeo and Minotaurs or not, she’d be able to wrangle them. Bullheaded clients full of hot air and BS were her bread and butter.

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Discoveries of the Delightful & Gruesome Kind: An Excerpt from The Charmed

The massive structure, three times the size of St Paul’s Cathedral, towered over the surrounding parkland. A feat of engineering and design, its shining glass panels, iron pillars and arched ribs reached for the sky, catching and reflecting the sun’s rays in a dancing kaleidoscope of light.

Symmetrical plate glass walls extended either side of a domed transept, also made of glass. The building had been designed by Joseph Paxton, the Duke of Devonshire’s head gardener and the man responsible for the famous Stove House and lily house Alice had visited at Chatsworth. The Crystal Palace resembled the glasshouse conservatories Paxton was celebrated for but the scale of this structure and its over-sized spans defied belief. It wasn’t just impressive in form and function, it was breathtakingly beautiful. If someone had told Alice the panes of glass were in fact made of crystal, she would have believed them. She was utterly bewitched.

‘It’s just so…so…large,’ the Viscount offered, shaking his head as he came to stand next to Alice in front of the building.

‘One thousand, eight hundred and forty-eight feet long,’ Alice said. ‘More than one hundred and thirty omnibus carriages from end-to-end by my calculations,’ she added in George’s direction, hoping to impress him. 

George though was in deep conversation with Mrs Alden, so Alice settled for an understated and approving, ‘Indeed,’ from her uncle. Fortunately all of his earlier trepidation had disappeared as if by magic. Alice imagined that the Viscount’s active imagination had been diverted and captured instead by the Palace, now he had seen it in person.

Without waiting for the others, Alice strode toward the main entrance, absorbing the murmur of thousands of voices and the clanking of machinery, spilling from the building. She joined the line for the turnstile and let her attention be drawn to the palace interior.

Impossibly the building appeared even larger on the inside. Light flooded the vast space that enveloped her, spilling from the soaring walls and ceiling above. The air was fragrant with a curious mix of woody, spicy and aromatic scents. 

Booths and displays with colourful banners lined the walls in every direction. Chattering people from all walks of life and in all modes of costume bustled around each other, eager to explore what appeared to be a mini city. 

As she reached the centre of the hall, another awe-inspiring sight arrested her. A multi-tiered  crystal fountain stood proudly where the northern and southern transepts met the east and west wings, its shimmering waters cascading down into a glittering pool at its base. Beyond the fountain two fully mature elm trees stretched skywards above the galleries. Alice had read that the transept had been added to accommodate the two trees in Hyde Park instead of felling them for construction. It was a brilliant example of necessity being the mother of invention.

‘What do you wish to see first, my dearest?’ George had appeared next to Alice. ‘There are many fine exhibits of lacework and tapestries that I have seen ladies practically swoon over.’

Mrs Alden and George had visited the Exhibition twice already, in spite of the latter’s disapproval of it in principle. But this wasn’t entirely unusual, as ladies and gentlemen of means must attend on multiple occasions, to be seen as much to see. 

Alice glanced from one end of the building to the next and exhaled. She had marked hundreds of items in her catalogue – self-suspending trousers, a miniature working colliery, waterproof paper – but she kept coming back to the same thing. ‘First I wish to see Hancock’s exhibits.’

George raised a brow. ‘Hancock?’ 

‘The ornithologist I told you about.’

‘Ahh,’ George nodded. ‘Don’t you find such things a little macabre?’ George screwed up his nose. ‘Dead animals.’ George was a gentle soul and squeamish by nature – completely at odds with his towering six-foot-plus frame.

‘Of course I would prefer to see them alive – you know how much I like birds, but those on display here are specimens rarely ever seen. Creatures you must travel to far flung lands to have a chance of seeing, and well…’ Alice’s voice trailed away. She didn’t want to admit that visiting those places was an impossibility she may never conquer.

George gave Alice a sympathetic smile. ‘I’ll take you to see all the stuffed birds your heart desires?’

‘Sparrows,’ the Viscount affirmed from Alice’s other side with a tap of his cane on the timber floor.

‘I don’t think they have stuffed sparrows, Uncle.’

The Viscount indicated the elms with a knowing tilt of his head. ‘A host of sparrows found their way into the building and nested in the elms before the glaziers completed the roof. Messy, disease-ridden things. Couldn’t shoot them,’ he waved his cane through the air, ‘on account of all the glass. Her Majesty sent for my dear friend, the Duke of Wellington, to be rid of them.’

‘Why, of course Her Majesty would look to Waterloo’s grand victor,’ Mrs Alden said without showing the slightest surprise at the abrupt change of subject. 

The Viscount nodded with approval. ‘Sparrowhawks. That’s what he recommended. It worked too…but…’ his wiry brows furrowed, ‘…how well do you think they cleaned up their mess?’ Alice’s uncle peered around as if looking for evidence of disease.

George read Alice’s concern and turned to the Viscount. ‘My dear fellow. The world’s greatest inventions are all housed under this roof. The Prince would have made sure nothing – especially a few measly sparrows – would compromise the exhibits or visitors.’

‘It’s true,’ Alice attested. ‘Mr Paxton himself invented special machines to clean the floors at night.’ She didn’t add that the trailing of thousands of ladies’ skirts had rendered the machines redundant.

The Viscount shifted from one foot to the other as if weighing up the likelihood of being afflicted by a sparrow-related ailment. 

‘George, how about you take the Viscount to see the steam engines?’ Mrs Alden suggested. ‘They are far from the trees,’ she added with a smile directed at Alice’s uncle. ‘And I’ll take Alice to see her birds. We can meet back at the fountain.’

‘Oh, yes that sounds splendid,’ Alice said.

George patted the Viscount on the back. ‘Splendid!’

The Viscount wrung his hands together but allowed George to lead him away. 

Mrs Alden linked arms with Alice. ‘So what is the location of the main exhibit you wish to see?’

Alice reached into her purse for the catalogue, but as she did, a passerby bumped heavily into her shoulder and the book dropped to the ground. 

‘Are you alright?’ A middle-aged man with sideburns that grazed his chin and an indigo cravat tied at the front of his throat, stood in front of her. His kind eyes scanned her for injury. Alice recognised him immediately.

‘I’m…I’m…,’ she stammered.

‘Mr Paxton,’ Mrs Alden curtsied. ‘It is quite the honour.’

‘Here.’ A young man standing beside Mr Paxton handed Alice her catalogue with an easy smile.

Mr Paxton acknowledged Mrs Alden’s greeting with a nod but turned back to Alice. ‘Are you alright?’

‘I’m fine, thank you,’ she hurriedly curtsied, ‘Mr Paxton.’

‘I’m sorry, but have we met before? It seems these days that I meet a thousand new people daily,’ he said with an apologetic smile.

‘Oh no,’ Alice gushed, ‘we haven’t met in person. But I have seen you at work at Chatsworth and admired your work on many occasions.’

‘This is the Countess Conway.’ Mrs Alden stepped forward and indicated Alice, who tried to disguise her discomfort at her title being used. ‘And I am Mrs Alden. A friend of the Countess and her uncle the Viscount Hyde.’

Realisation washed over Mr Paxton’s face. ‘Of course…The Viscount and my employer, the Duke of Devonshire are well acquainted.’ He bowed to both ladies. ‘Lady Conway, Mrs Alden, a pleasure.’ 

He then indicated the young man who had picked up Alice’s book. ‘And this is Mr Ashley.’

Mr Ashley tipped his hat. ‘Charmed,’ he said with dancing eyes that twinkled in the phantasmic light of the palace.

‘Mr Ashley is apprentice to the Exhibition’s Caretaker,’ Mr Paxton continued as he glanced around. ‘Ahhh. Mr Symond.’

Mr Paxton gestured to a tall man standing a couple of feet behind him, who Alice hadn’t even noticed before now. Mr Symond was as tall as George, she estimated, but had a leaner, more agile build. His wavy hair and moustache were an unremarkable shade of brown. His brows appeared permanently arched over eyes that constantly roved his surroundings. He seemed either ignorant or indifferent to Mr Paxton’s attempt at introduction. A fact that miffed Alice, as she was used to having people’s attention.

‘A pleasure to meet you, Mr Symond,’ she said with a hint of sarcasm.

A weighty silence followed before Mr Symond finally deigned to acknowledge Alice and Mrs Alden, first with a slight nod, then a gaze that was as sharp and angular as his jaw line. His blue-green eyes reminded her of jewels frozen in ice.   

Just as swiftly Mr Symond went back to surveying the crowd. 

‘Please forgive my master,’ Mr Ashley proffered in a hushed voice. ‘He takes his role as Caretaker very seriously. He is permanently vigilant for anything amiss at the Exhibition.’

‘Of course,’ Alice replied with a polite smile, hiding her immediate dislike for the sour man. Yet she was determined he wouldn’t destroy her enjoyment of the Exhibition.

‘Is it true that you used the Amazonian giant water lily as inspiration for the ridge and furrow system used first at Chatsworth’s lily house and also here at the Palace,’ she asked Mr Paxton in a flood of words.

Mr Paxton, who must have heard the question many times before, had the good nature to respond with a generous smile. ‘I was quite struck by the underside of the leaves and the network of flexible cross-ribs that gave it the strength to support a child.’  

Alice sighed. ‘I so wish I’d been there to see your daughter Annie standing on one of the leaves. It must have been quite a sight!’

‘It was,’ Mr Ashley said brightly and patted Mr Paxton on his back. 

‘The ridge and furrow system at the lily house, the way it maximises the light and ventilation…but this…’ Alice looked all around her and sighed again. ‘It’s something completely…unexpected.’ She locked a serious gaze on Mr Paxton. ‘It’s just as they say in the newspapers; it’s like a fairy palace!’

Mr Paxton and Mr Ashley exchanged an amused look, but Mr Symond sniffed loudly.

‘You seem to have an unusual interest in architecture,’ Mr Symond said in such a way that most definitely was not a compliment. Alice was surprised he’d fallen short of adding, ‘for a lady’ to his statement.

She met his discerning stare, daring him to insult her further. 

‘Lady Conway is interested in many things,’ Mrs Alden retorted in an uncharacteristically snippy tone. ‘If you will excuse us, we would like to see some of those things.’ She went to steer Alice away by the arm. 

Mr Paxton held his hands up in protest. ‘Please, let me do the honour of showing you around a few exhibits.’

‘Thank you, Mr Paxton,’ Mrs Alden said, ‘but that won’t be necessary. I’m sure you have other matters and guests to tend to.’ She tugged at Alice’s arm but the latter wouldn’t budge. 

Mr Ashley caught Alice’s eye then winked. ‘There are no more important guests at this very moment than you, Mrs Alden, and Lady—’

‘Alice. Just Alice.’

Mr Ashley grinned. ‘No one more important than you and Alice. What do you say, Mr Paxton?’

Mr Paxton chuckled. ‘I say, let’s begin the tour.’ He held out his arm for Alice, which she gratefully took, extricating herself from Mrs Alden’s grip.

Mr Ashley clapped his hands together. ‘We must start where everyone starts…the Koh-i-Noor diamond. One of the most mysterious and captivating gems in the world.’ He added the last part in a theatrical voice.

Mr Symond rolled his eyes and spun on his heels while Mrs Alden muttered, behind Alice, something about Mr Hancock’s stuffed birds.

‘I would love to see the diamond,’ Alice said. The birds weren’t going anywhere – they were stuffed after all – but the opportunity for a guided tour from Joseph Paxton himself would never arise again. She didn’t even care that the newspapers had declared the diamond a disappointment, describing it as “colourless” and poorly cut.

Mr Paxton led Alice to the centre of the nave in the eastern transept where a surging crowd ringed a gilded iron cage that was twice the height of the onlookers. Policemen attempted to control the crowd but were nearly being carried off their feet. One of the officers was in conversation with Mr Symond who scrutinised the crowd before striding away.

‘The Koh-i-Noor, which means “Mountain of Light” in Persian, is the largest diamond in the world,’ Mr Paxton said. ‘It is believed to have originated in India before being seized by a Persian King. It changed hands many times, in war and conquest, before being presented to Her Majesty, Queen Victoria.’

Alice nodded politely. He was telling her nothing she didn’t already know. 

‘The most advanced security measures have been put in place to protect the diamond,’ Mr Paxton continued. ‘At night, on the touch of a spring, the Koh-i-Noor drops into an impregnable iron safe. The same thing happens if anyone tries to remove it from the display. Mr Symond oversaw the ingenious design with the manufacturers of an unbreakable lock.’  

Mr Ashley spoke to a policeman who made way for them to approach the display. 

‘Some say that the diamond is cursed,’ Mr Ashley said dramatically. ‘A Hindu description of the diamond says that the person who owns the diamond, also owns the world, but if that person is a man they will only know misfortune.’

Alice raised a quizzical brow. This was something she hadn’t heard before. ‘So only a woman can own or wear it?’ 

‘A woman or a God.’ He winked again.

Alice couldn’t quite figure out if Mr Ashley was joking with his references to curses and more than one God.

Mr Paxton frowned. ‘It’s just a myth, of course, Mr Ashley.’

Mr Ashley nodded vigorously. ‘A myth. Of course.’ 

Alice peered through the bars of the cage at a glass dome in the centre. Beneath the dome, displayed on red velvet, was a diamond – the Koh-i-Noor – about the size of a pigeon’s egg, flanked by two smaller diamonds. 

She squinted to get a better view through the bars and glass. For as long as she could remember, Alice possessed a remarkable eye – an ability to see things that others missed and what came into focus was as disappointing as she’d feared. 

It was unlike any diamond she had ever seen before and it did lack lustre. But it did have colour. Undesirable colour. The diamond was flawed at its core. Its heart was marred by yellow flecks, preventing the diamond from being cut as it should and effectively refracting light. 

She stepped back from the cage with a heaviness in her own heart. ‘I believe it is cursed,’ she said quietly.

Mr Paxton’s brow bunched in concern. ‘What makes you say that, Lady Alice?’

‘The diamond bears the scars of the conflicts and conquests that have brought it here. Perhaps it should be returned to its home.’

There was an earnest silence among Alice’s companions, though she did notice that Mr Symond was back and the coldness in his eyes had been momentarily replaced by curiosity.

Mrs Alden was the first to speak. ‘Quite right,’ she asserted, gripping Alice’s arm tightly. ‘Let’s go look at something more pleasant.’ She led Alice away from the cage and into the nearby Egyptian and Turkish exhibits.

As Mrs Alden enthused over lush carpets and rugs featuring intricate geometric patterns and floral motifs, Alice occupied herself with a case of coral and other ornaments.

Mr Paxton and Mr Ashley some time after approached her. ‘I’m so sorry, Lady Alice,’ Mr Paxton said. ‘I didn’t mean for you to get upset.’

Alice shook her head emphatically. ‘Oh no, Mr Paxton. You have nothing to apologise for. Sometimes I get carried away with my thoughts. You see there is a whole world of questions out there that remain unanswered.’

Mr Ashley gave a cheeky grin. ‘And that world is even bigger than you think.’

Mr Symond who was hovering at a small distance, screwed his mouth up in distaste then addressed his apprentice and Mr Paxton. ‘May I have a private word with you two gentlemen?’

The trio moved away from Alice leaving her to further explore the exhibits. There were silver cups and saucers, assorted bottles of scents and a display of ostrich feathers. Wanting to see the feathers in a different light, she took several steps backward and her heels knocked up against something firm behind a decorative rug that hung against a dividing curtain. She cautiously pushed the fabric aside to reveal a body slumped against the wall. The body of a young woman, her eyes wide and lifeless.

Alice’s breath leapt from her throat. She hurried to check the woman for a pulse, but there was none and there was no warmth in her skin. She looked for signs of obvious injury, but couldn’t see any. She looked again. Her high-necked collar was askew. Two buttons were missing. Alice peered closer. Red bands traversed her neck. The woman had been strangled.

Alice stood back up, her mind racing as she tried to make sense of the situation. Who could have committed such a heinous act, amid the crowds of the Exhibition? 

‘Alice.’ A familiar female voice. ‘Alice, there you are.’ Mrs Alden materialised beside her. ‘I’ve been looking for you every—’ Mrs Alden’s gaze fell on the woman’s body and she screamed. 

‘She’s dead! A woman’s dead.’

People – so many people – rushed at Alice and Mrs Alden. A crescendo of cadaverous chatter rolled toward them like an all-consuming tidal wave. Alice tugged at her own collar, fighting to breathe.

‘Step back!’ Mr Paxton was there first, standing between Alice and the crowd. ‘Make some room!’ 

‘Deep breaths, Lady Alice. Deep breaths,’ Mr Paxton prompted.

Then Mr Ashley was there with three policemen, and they stopped the onlookers from getting too close. Mr Symond was nowhere to be seen, presumably he was looking for the culprit.

Alice sucked in chestfuls of air. By the time Paxton had examined the woman’s body himself, Alice’s breathing had returned to almost normal.

Mr Paxton tugged at his cravat. ‘I’m sorry to ask this, but I need you to do something for me.’

Alice gave a tiny nod.

‘We can’t panic everyone. A scandal like this will be the end of the Exhibition. I want to say that this is your friend and that she has just fainted.’

‘Fainted!’ Mrs Alden objected. ‘The girl is dead.’

Mr Paxton lowered his head. ‘Yes. I am very sorry for it.’ He looked up again and put his hand over his heart. ‘And I can assure you that we will have the matter fully investigated. But right now we need the crowds to leave and go back to their business. The Prince. Her Majesty. They will be relying on us.’

Mrs Alden cast Alice a questioning look. She nodded in response. She couldn’t be responsible for destroying the Great Exhibition.

Mr Paxton spoke to the policemen and Mr Ashley, before announcing to the crowd that the woman had merely fainted. The crowd slowly began to disperse. Their chatter now laden with disappointment.  

‘We must go find your uncle,’ Mrs Alden said gently.

‘I’m sorry, but the police will want to speak to Lady Alice,’ Mr Paxton said. ‘I’ll take care of her and make sure she gets home safe.’

Mrs Alden reached for Alice’s hand. Hers was warm and comforting, drastically different to that of the young woman propped against the wall. ‘Will you be alright?’

Alice nodded again. It seemed words were beyond her.

‘Can I rely on your discretion, Mrs Alden?’

‘Believe me, Mr Paxton.’ Mrs Alden glanced at the body and cringed. ‘I don’t wish to think of, or speak of this ever again. Not to anyone, not even your uncle, Alice.’

Mrs Alden squeezed her hand then walked away. Alice watched her leave through the crowd, moving with an unaffected confidence that only Mrs Alden could possess in such circumstances. A figure stepped aside for her, a sturdy fellow dressed as a country gentleman, wearing a felt riding hat with a pheasant feather tucked in its brim. His pallor was as stark as the murder victim’s. He then looked back in Alice’s direction and caught her eye. His craggy features froze. He blinked rapidly before turning and running away.  

A chill surged through Alice’s body. Had she just seen the killer?

This was not what she had imagined when she’d yearned for great spectacles at the Exhibition.

The above is an excerpt from The Charmed, the first book in my Fae of the Crystal Palace series – Bridgerton meets Sherlock Holmes with fae!

“A young woman who believes in impossibilities in Victorian England, discovers secrets, magic and perhaps even love beyond her wildest imagination…she just needs to solve a couple of murders first.”

The Charmed will be available in November 2023. You can pre-order/purchase here.

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abandoned circus tent

Drum Roll Please: Flash Fiction

Ignatius Pobblewell III was born to run a circus…until the day he wasn’t. 

The era of the great circus showmen was over. The strongman took a pay rise to become a WWE wrestler. The bearded lady discovered laser hair removal. And WorkSafe banned launching people out of cannons. The final straw was the last It movie – now everyone was scared of clowns. Stephen King has a lot to answer for. 

The golden glow of the centre ring evaporates as Ignatius turns off the circus tent lights one-by-one. He heads to his trailer in the showground.

As Ignatius hangs up his ringmaster hat for the last time, his twirly moustache droops. His eyes fall on a fruit basket from the fortune teller. Her heady perfume still lingers in the air. A heart-shaped note says: Congratulations on your triumphant return. She was a terrible psychic.

Ignatius reaches for a banana. There is a flash of black and the banana disappears before his eyes. He leaps from his chair. 

‘Who’s there?’ His eyes dart. There’s no one. 

Hesitantly, Ignatius reaches for a grape.

A flash of black again and a razor-sharp claw plucks a grape, then a second one…a third…until nothing’s left.  

Ignatius reaches for the basket but in the blink of an eye it’s gone. He races from his trailer and spots a figure silent and still in the shadows of the tent.

‘Hey you!’ he yells and makes chase. 

The figure, with the basket, scampers up the side of the tent, runs across the top then somersaults to the ground. 

Ignatius follows the thief to an abandoned trailer. There, surrounded by empty popcorn boxes and dagwood dog wrappers, a black cat stuffs strawberries into its mouth.

‘Who are you?’

‘I’m Phoenix.’ He pats a soft and doughy stomach then belches. His tummy immediately deflates. ‘I’m the show cat.’

‘You enter cat shows?’

Phoenix shakes his head. ‘The show. My mother travelled with a show family, but I got left behind here at the showground. I’m waiting until she returns.’  

‘How long have you been waiting?’

Phoenix counts on his claws. ‘Thirty-five cat years.’

Ignatius frowns. ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t think she’s coming back.’

‘She will,’ Phoenix hisses. 

Ignatius has a seed of an idea.

‘Why don’t you join me? Maybe we’ll find your mother.’

Phoenix’s eyes narrow. ‘Me? Join the circus?’

‘Well you have got some impressive acrobatic skills. Are there others like you?”

‘There’s only one Phoenix, but I expect other cats have similar talents – we are the superior beings.’

Ignatius’s mind whirs. More like Phoenix.

He makes a drum roll sound. ‘Roll up, roll up, for the marvellously, magnificent…’ his showman’s voice oozes like honey, ‘…Ninja Cat Circus!’ Ignatius looks eagerly at Phoenix.

Phoenix rubs his whiskers. ‘What’s in it for me?’

‘Top billing…and your own trailer.’

‘An endless supply of toffee apples?’ 

‘Of course.’ 

‘And fairy floss?’

‘Obviously.’

Phoenix holds out his paw. ‘Deal.’

Then, as if on cue, Ignatius’s moustache springs back to life. 

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Photo by Lăzuran Călin: via Pexels.

Book cover with opening line

The Pledge: Fae of the Crystal Palace – A FREE Origins Story

To celebrate the upcoming launch of first book in my Fae of the Crystal Palace gaslamp fantasy romance series, The Charmed, I have released a FREE origins story, The Pledge, which sets the scene for this Victorian England with Fae world.

With the Great Exhibition as a backdrop this series is perfect for fans of Bridgerton and Sherlock Holmes, all with a touch of fae magic.

The best news is that you can access the book on all major eBook retailer sites for FREE right now – no email address required! Get your copy via the links below. If you enjoy it, a review would be appreciated particularly on Amazon or Goodreads.

If you want to stay informed about special offers and my book news, sign up here. You will get a free copy of my book Seeds from the Story Tree – a collection of my awarding-winning speculative fiction stories and other short works, which is exclusive to my subscribers.

The Pledge: A FREE Fae of the Crystal Palace Origins Story

The Pledge: A FREE Fae of the Crystal Palace Origins Story

Bridgerton meets Sherlock Holmes in this Fantasy Romance Series with Fae.

***THE PLEDGE IS A SHORT STORY***

A Fae Ranger sent through a portal to Victorian England to stop an assassin faces an impossible choice: save her family or the Fae Realm in a battle between the light and darkness.

 

Order Now!
About the Book
This origins SHORT story sets the scene for the Fae of the Crystal Palace – a gaslamp fantasy romance (with a touch of mystery) series. It is available as an eBook on all major online book retail sites including Amazon Kindle, Apple, Google Play, Kobo and Nook.
Kylie Fennell

I’m an Australian author of speculative fiction, fantasy and fabulism for the young and young at heart. Writing about strong female leads who metaphorically and literally kick butt particularly appeals to me, as does magic…always magic! I live in Brisbane (Yuggera Country) with my husband, son and too many pets.

Details
Author: Kylie Fennell
Series: The Fae of the Crystal Palace, Book 0
Genres: Fantasy, Romance, Young Adult
Tag: Free books
Publisher: Lorikeet Ink
Publication Year: 2023
ASIN: B0BNSS7QSD
ISBN: 9780645405255
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The Dance Off: Flash Fiction

‘Bloody heck.’ Tammy shakes her head. ‘Barry’s at it again.’

Cheryl follows her friend’s gaze to the gangly male specimen “dancing” in front of them. Barry is indeed at it again.

He waves two spindly arms in the air, his legs sway erratically underneath him as if they have a mind of their own. His bulging eyes never leave Cheryl.

‘What’s he doing? Waving his hands in the air like he just don’t care.’ Tammy emits a high-pitched squeal of delight. 

‘He could be doing the YMCA,’ Cheryl offers, acknowledging Barry’s attentions with a micro smile.

‘Go Barry! Go Barry!’ Tammy chants and Barry gyrates his hips in response.

Cheryl slaps her friend on the arm. ‘Don’t be mean.’

Tammy rolls her eyes. ‘I don’t know why you two don’t just do it…get it over with.’

‘You know why,’ Cheryl hisses.

‘But I thought you liked him.’

‘Exactly. You seem to forget – the good ones never stick around.’

‘Or the bad ones for that matter,’ Tammy shrieks, her whole body wobbles in glee. ‘Oh…hang on…’ Tammy’s head swivels at the arrival of another contender – a leaner, younger and fitter-looking version of Barry. 

Tammy shimmies. ‘Now, that’s what I’m talking about.’ She waves at the newcomer. ‘Hey, Toby!’

‘Toby?’

‘He’s new to these parts.’ Toby waves back at Tammy then thrusts in Cheryl’s direction.

Cheryl has never liked showy types and they don’t come any showier than Toby. He takes up position next to Barry and gives a much more coordinated dance display than his older counterpart. Barry shoots his competition a death stare and ramps up his gyrating to head-spinning heights. Before long the pair are engaged in a full-blown dance off. Barry stomps his feet rapidly on the ground in some form of flamenco. Toby counters with something that looks like Riverdancing.  

‘Look at you, Chezza, getting all the attention.’ Tammy squeals. ‘You’re a real maneater. Which one are you going to choose? Please say, Toby. He’s perfect “fling” material.’

They’re all just flings. Cheryl sighs. ‘If you like him so much. Why don’t you go after him?’

‘I couldn’t.’ She pats her sizable belly and grins. ‘I’ve just eaten…Ha! Check Toby out now! He’s actually begging you to pick him.’ 

Tammy is right. Toby holds both arms aloft, his hands pressed together in a praying position.

Cheryl’s mouth twitches indecisively. 

Tammy pats her arm. ‘They know what they’re getting themselves into.’

‘Do they?’

Tammy tilts her head. ‘It’s got to be Toby,’ she says in a quiet voice. ‘It’s the only way to protect Barry.’

Protect him from me. The thought rings angrily in Cheryl’s head. 

‘Don’t punish yourself, it’s in our nature. And look…’ she indicates Toby who’s performing a one-legged balancing trick, ‘…he’s already halfway to being legless…’ She shrugs. ‘…Or headless.’ 

Cheryl lifts her chin and points at Toby. The praying mantis courtship ritual is over and Barry will live to dance another day.

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Photo by NEOSiAM 2021 via Pexels.

starry space sky

The Frontier: Flash Fiction

Hank Williams warbles from the speakers as I tap my replica cowboy boots on the console. A siren pierces the air. I scramble to attention. The console is a sea of flashing red lights. A solar storm!

High Noon is a long-range freighter but slow – she can’t outrun the storm or withstand the solar flares. I’m days from the closest planet and my destination – Tombstone – a convict mining colony. I’m also out of communication range…and out of my depth. 

Only yesterday I was a space-Uber driver addicted to old cowboy movies. Today I’m supposed to be delivering freight to the real frontier – home to the galaxy’s most notorious prisoners, including spaceranger, Edy Knell. Wanted for murder and armed robbery but most famous for a bucket-shaped helmet with an eye slot – I’d wanted to see Knell in person, but now all I wanted was to stay alive.

Then hope flickers on the nav-screen. An asteroid belt and a farming station – an Xvine farm! Xvine are bullet-sized creatures farmed for protein. Their normal diet is asteroid dust but they’re partial to verelleum – the fuel needed for long-range travel. I’d heard of Xvine herds destroying entire ships.

I call the station. The voice at the other end asks about my ship then says, ‘Hurry!’

Alarms scream as the storm starts and I enter the asteroid belt – the ship shakes like a bucking bull. 

The station comes into sight as a cloud of blue swarms towards my fuel tank – xvines!  

There’s a high-pitched squealing as the creatures gnaw through my hull. The ship shudders in protest. Just ahead the station’s docking bay door yawns open. 

With a final blast of my jets the High Noon careens into the bay.

I exit the ship on shaking legs. 

‘Rough ride?’ an athletic-looking woman in a black jumpsuit remarks, her eyes on my damaged hull.

I wipe my sweaty brow. ‘You could say that.’ 

The woman disappears from sight then returns with what looks like ship plate armour. ‘This will slow the xvines down.’ She starts patching the hull. 

I realise the creatures nearly penetrated my cabin. I have a sudden urge to vomit. ‘Bathroom?’

She points to a corridor without looking up. 

After the bathroom I stop to admire a photo of an older couple wearing plaid-trimmed coveralls – the woman’s mother and father? There’s also a cross stitch of a cottage with a white picket fence. Two blue wrens sit on the fence and there’s an apple pie on the windowsill. It seems at odds with the woman in the docking bay.

An engine roars to life – High Noon’s! I race to my ship. My eyes go to the ‘Tombstone Corrective Services’ insignia on the armour she used to patch my ship, then I see her…She winks at me from High Noon’s console then pulls a bucket-shaped helmet over her head. 

I watch in stupor as my ship pulls away from the remote station…it seems I’d got my wish.

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Photo by Jeremy Müller via Pexels.

A picture of a dragon with smoke in the background

The Ultimater: Flash Fiction

The dragon scales prickle at my touch before relaxing in recognition. I settle into my wolf-buck saddle handcrafted by the famous artisan elves of Esour. 

I reach for the reins and there’s a moment of pause…a knowing…an imprinted memory that great danger awaits on the shifting horizon.

This, of course, is not the first time we have been on this quest. 

I wait for your signal. You must decide when we set forth. I do not question this. It has always been this way. It is the lore of our kingdom. It is what has brought us this far. While we have a symbiotic relationship, I am under no illusion that I am a mere passenger in this mission. 

The mighty dragon wings extend and beat the air furiously until we’re airborne. Wind ripples through my hair as we swoop over the swaying land-kelp forest. A scattering of huts and stone buildings comes into view and the villagers scurry like ants beneath us. They run after us, cheering us on. And there is music. A relentless drumming driving us onwards.

The dragon’s snout points towards the ragged crystal alps shrouded in ink-black clouds. Beyond the mountains lies the key to saving our King, imprisoned for so long by an evil force – the Ultimater. 

A master of time and mind control, the Ultimater can show her face at any time.

The alps loom closer. The clouds loom closer again, breaking apart, splitting into smaller, swirling masses of smoke. 

The air crackles as the smoky shapes contort. They take the form of chimeras with the heads of a lion and two spitting serpents. They flap their giant bat wings before launching star-shaped blades from their claws.

We duck and weave, avoiding the first wave of stars, but our dragon fire is useless against the creatures made of smoke.

Another wave comes, but your reflexes are slower than usual and half a dozen stars slice my torso.

Blood pours from my wounds but I’m numb to the pain. 

You have to get me close enough to use my diamond-edged sword. You respond immediately and we maneuver into place. 

I arc my sword through the first chimera, vaporising it. Then the next one, and the next. We move in perfect sync. We get to the last one but a string of star-blades peppers me just before my sword cleaves through the chimera.

I feel life fading from me. Just a bit further, I tell myself. If we can just make it to the alps, I can take a moment to regenerate. Just a bit further.

We are almost at the alps, the key is within our grasp, when I recognise the voice of the Ultimater.

She screeches her catchphrase at you. ‘Time’s up!’ 

The unseen villain’s indiscernible threats are the last thing I hear before everything goes black.

***

“One day, I’ll get to finish that level,” the boy grumbles as his mother drags him to the dinner table. 

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Photo by Laith Abushaar on Unsplash

old bar wooden sign

The Publican’s Return – Flash Fiction

Someone is here. A key falters in the lock until the arthritic mechanisms fall in place. The rusty door knob turns but the front door is unmoving. Then with a grunt and a shove, the door is forced to surrender. Dust motes swirl in the stale, gloomy light of the public bar.

One by one blinking lights flicker to life. A fridge crackles and whirs. An abandoned keg gurgles. The sounds form an intoxicating and familiar rhythm. There is excitement that someone has come…But no…there must be caution. Remember those who’ve come before.

An intake of breath. Everything stills.

The intruder shows herself. She crosses her arms, scrutinising me from head to toe. I know this look. They all arrive with big dreams.

My vaulted ceiling sighs. I remember my humble beginnings as a coaching inn, a stopover for settlers, cedar getters and squatters. The gold rush that saw so many fortunes won and lost. The six o’clock swill. 

Four generations of the one family navigated my helm – gave me purpose. I was a meeting place, a haven – the beating heart of this town.

Within my walls tradies would share a beer and a yarn with their local councillor. After their shift, the police would unwind over a game of pool with the newspaper editor and community radio announcer, confident that almost everything was “off the record”.

Then one day the ‘For Sale’ sign went up. No-one in the family aspired to be a publican.

The next owners arrived from the city, determined to inject some “culture” into the town, into me. They took the chicken parmy and roast of the day off the menu, replacing them with vegan ‘pulled pork’ burgers and fine dining dishes that were half the size and twice the price.

They called me a ‘gastro pub’ and would only serve craft beer. The locals frittered away as did the owners’ life savings and again I was put up for sale. 

The last owner was a part-time DJ who turned the billiards room into a nightclub called the ‘Warehouse’. I was given an industrial makeover, my mahogany bar covered in shiny corrugated iron. The nightclub was a spectacular failure and my doors were permanently closed…until today.

A bar table wobbles to attention when the woman plonks a heavy folder onto its dusty surface. Her eyes sparkle as she pulls out fabric swatches and paint colour cards. They are all heritage samples. Indeed, there is a swatch almost the exact same shade as my original drapes.

The woman pulls out a photograph and props it up against the wall. A dimpled grin spreads across her face and the champagne glasses on the shelf tinkle in recognition. The dimples, the sparkling eyes, they’re the same as the moustached man in the black and white photograph – the first publican.

I exhale. I exhale with such force a rivet pops off my bar, freeing me from my corrugated iron cage. 

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Photo by Maria Orlova via pexels.

Book cover of Catching Teller Crow crow on fence post

What I’m Reading: Catching Teller Crow By Ambelin & Ezekiel Kwamullina

I came across Catching Teller Crow as part of a research project looking for young adult fantasy novels set in small town Australia. Dealing with some hefty themes of grief, colonial history and violence – told mainly through the eyes of a girl who happens to be dead – this isn’t the kind of book I’d normally gravitate to.

Also, this novel by Aboriginal brother and sister team, Ambelin and Ezekiel Kwamullina, switches between regular prose and verse. Since I don’t tend to read much poetry I was skeptical it was going to grab me. Yet this book had me totally engrossed by page one.

What I loved most was the uniquely Australian setting, the compelling voices of the main characters and the way the mystery unfolded. The dynamic between Beth and her father is equally heart-warming and heart-wrenching. With plenty of twists and turns, a sprinkle of the supernatural and some thought provoking themes, I loved everything about Catching Teller Crow, including the verse!

About the Book

WINNER: 2019 Victorian Premier’s Literary Awards, Young Adult 

Nothing’s been the same for Beth Teller since she died. Her dad, a detective, is the only one who can see and hear her – and he’s drowning in grief. But now they have a mystery to solve together. Who is Isobel Catching, and what’s her connection to the fire that killed a man? What happened to the people who haven’t been seen since the fire? As Beth unravels the mystery, she finds a shocking story lurking beneath the surface of a small town, and a friendship that lasts beyond one life and into another.

Catching Teller Crow is published by Allen & Unwin. Get the book from Booktopia today.

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emporium of imagination book cover

What I’m Reading: The Emporium of Imagination by Tabitha Bird

I’m finally getting around to sharing more of my recent reads – another sublime book from Tabitha Bird.

I had big expectations after reading the beautifully crafted “A Lifetime of Impossible Days” and was delighted that “The Emporium of Imagination” was equally good or perhaps better. 

I’m in awe of Tabitha’s ability to bring magic, wonder and heart-warming characters to life in the humble country Queensland town of Boonah. She expertly weaves the fantastic with themes of grief and loss, while somehow still offering hope.

There are so many things to love about this book but my favourite part above all is ten-year-old Enoch, and his brothers, who are mourning the loss of their father. Seeing the world through their eyes and the many different types of “hugs” makes their grief heart-breakingly real, while offering a light and endearing touch. You will laugh, you will cry and you will do it all over again – but it’s 100% worth it. 

About the Book

Welcome to The Emporium of Imagination, a most unusual shop that travels the world offering vintage gifts to repair broken dreams and extraordinary phones to contact lost loved ones.

But, on arrival in the tiny township of Boonah, the store’s long-time custodian, Earlatidge Hubert Umbray, makes a shocking realisation. He is dying…

The clock is now ticking to find his replacement, because the people of Boonah are clearly in need of some restorative magic.

The Emporium of Imagination is published by Penguin Books. Get the book from Amazon or Booktopia today.

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